Why do i have to be so paranoid ?!?! When things was just getting better then i remember what i wrote .
Uhh so ffin crazy that when I realised what i just did . It was never her fault . I was super paranoid and i want to say sorry but i feel as if it's useless. I just feel that sometimes you shut me out and it drives me down the path of a lunatic . But i can't blame you for that . So so sorry ._.
And I know that my feelings will not lie to me about you ..
So , the most cliché and pathetic thing to do right now is that the guy who was seriously in love is now feeling depressed and wants to end it.
Well, i may not have both of my feet facing that direction but you know what i mean . When you feel like you are the only one trying . This sounds stupid and redundant i know . If you knew me in real life and read my ffin blog you would take a second look at me. Maybe three because you laughed so hard the first two times .
But there you have it. The dude who wrote for his girl at 3 am is now having second thoughts about wether he should just try to hold on or just try to put a stop to his feelings. Wow that sound pretty dumb and unlike me. Or alike me ? I personally don't have the time to think about it anymore . I am now picturing people reading this and just smiling for and at me .
If somehow you are reading this, I just want to tell you that I really still find myself as an enigma . I won't know what will happen next.
If you know me in real life, just read this as if I'm joking
I don't want to end anything because I intend to keep my promises . Especially those I made for myself . To not let you go this way . But if I do ... I won't.
I know your game btw , how you plan to do this . It is so important that you know that i think it is quite good. I've been holding back and not entirely the ideal guy . But I can tell you this .. It takes two to tango and two to win .
Sparks , both fire and electric . The first time our eyes met , the first time I noticed your presence, the feeling was sparked .
It was weird becaue I felt like I was under someones gaze . When I knew that it was yours , I felt surprised that someone like you would notice me . I was curios , I wanted to see you and approach you so my heart could question me . But alas, I missed my chance . I was too afraid like I've always been , fear was my mutual companion . I tried to look for you again and maybe just be able to flash a smile and carve one on your face . Just so you would know that I was there , to leave a mark on your day . But I was too late . Regret crawled into my mind everytime I remember you.
After the incident of epic sparks , I wanted to find you . I was hopeful even when I didn't know where to even start . Then , a ray of dim sunlight appeared when my lads were talking about this girl . I took a look at who she was , then a name showed up and I was again curious to who this mysterious persona was. I didn't know that the one in the picture was you . And the stories they tell seemed to say that you were within their grasp . So I just , stored that piece of memory in the back of my head . Seizing any unwanted interest. Giving the opportunity for thoughts to come .
A few months later , a name appeared on my screen. Chucky . I could absolutely not recognised who this was until I saw the phrase "don't ask me about my life" . The memory popped up like the first drop of rain . Small but would lead to something bigger. That phrase was the only way I remembered . The image of you from our first encounter was still in my mind toying with me as if it was provoking me with hopelessness. Then she wrote a thanks for me . In which I took advantage of to find out who she was . She knew who I was, with me knowing nothing about her . Apart that my friend was interested in her. I was again fuelled with the feeling to find out.
I asked her where I've know her from . Maybe vice versa . Then , an answer came . But I still wasn't sure . But though I was uncertain . I was happy that hope was still there. It was crazy to think that the girl I fell for actually found me. Me . With my luck and everything it was never going to happen . But it did . You found me . The exact girl I met on the 11th of September during shooting practice whom laid her beutiful eyes upon me has found me . I went crazy that day . Crazy of happiness and disbelief.
You found me . But I somehow knew that it wasn't going to last if I just did nothing hoping that you would make the first move . Hoping that everything was just going to happen magically in my way . I already noted that I'm already out of miracles. Magic and luck was no longer siding with me . So I did something that I never had the guts to do . I gathered courage accompanied by determination that you were the one I've been waiting for . I was actually brave enough to confess my feelings to you . I made the first move. I only known you for a few days back then and you had already made me come out of my comfort zone and become brave . There is just something special about you that made me know that you are worth it . You were worth it . For me to be brave and just follow my heart .
I was expecting a heartbreak due to my usual odds . But that did not happen . You were defying odds . My odds .
Then you said that just being my crush won't last . I panicked that I was going to lose you. So in an attempt to say "please , I want you to stay in my life , you're important . I want you to be the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last when I go to sleep . And still be dreaming about you . Please .. "
You made me wait . It was devastating to wait . I kept screaming inside my head and running ridiculous scenarios . What would you answer ? Yes? No ? Stop contacting me and ignore me ? I kept swinging between feelings . Made me dazed
When you finally answered . Let's just say that I didn't stop smiling like an idiot for the rest of the day .
The first time you said the lahve thing . My whole face lit up . I was just lovestruck.
Cheesy line approaching
You're just the best. Eventhough I always say that you're cute I've always admired that you're beautiful . Your eyes just make a statement of compassion and you can just tell stories with your smile. You're understanding , caring , tolerant and you just get me .
If this ever backfires on me . I just want you to know that my feelings for you are true . You know the thing I say to you almost everyday . Hahahaha
It's funny that I wrote this much and it is still not enough .
i wrote this at 3 am btw
Can't stop thinking of you.
I'm just .
Well I've never experience this kind of rage in my writing . I don't understand. I know that challenges are there not to stop you but to see if you are brave enough to defeat them . Well this is going to be a long day
I can't believe the amount of emotional stress I am causing to myself as if I myself am the input for the output of my problems. What the heck ?!?
By the words of jaymes young . " I'll be a better man today , I'll love the world like I should " . I don't know why but everything that happens has a greater impact to me especially when aaaajxjsjsja . I really don't want to say it .
Am i going crazy or going normal . I need that something but it has this kind of feeling to it where I am no longer in a position to rebel . Sorry me . This is my fault. I should not have rushed it .
Don't jump , leap .
I don't understand anything anymore . Drop them grenades. Wrote some thesis .
Between villans
Wow , someone actually read my blog . Last time i was here it was a dark time for me. That was the start of 2013 . Currently I'm approaching the end of 2014. Sooo you do the math whoever you are .
To summarize, I'm still alive . Not sure about the living part .
So far, I've realised how appreciating can go a long way . I especially appreciate people who entered my life wi the sole purpose of just being there . Thank you
As the topic of a special someone is concerned. Let's just say she means a lot to me . Something about her just triggers that part of me that's weird, awkward and would do anything for her . Burns me . A flame . The correct way to describe it .
Salutes , respect , love , fear and pride . The way to strive .
